Every so often, I hear a story of another guy's situation and how it bears some similarities to mine. I can't deny that it comforts me to know I'm not alone. Of course, I do not wish my predicament on anyone.
Recently, an online buddy told me he opened up to his wife about his sexuality. His burden had been lifted, and he felt so much better. It was great to hear his story and how it went so well. Now more than ever during this COVID-19 pandemic, we need some optimism in our world.
I genuinely admire guys like him who possess that bravery. It also saddens me because I want to be able to follow suit. Why can't I be that way? Perhaps one key difference is that he is bisexual, whereas I am gay. He is committed to staying in his marriage. While I fear mine ending, I know it would be decimated by the unfolding truth. Many lives would be affected by this secret being revealed.
What's a guy to do? Some of you have given me well-intentioned advice. I have heard everything from "leave the marriage" to "wait until the kids are out of the house and then leave" and "just continue as is." Some guys have been cautious about offering advice, which I also understand. I am afraid I must navigate the situation I've created and figure it out to the best of my ability.
So I have to listen to what my buddy says and try to have hope. I know the world won't end if I come out, but I also know that my life will be forever changed. Honestly, I don't know if I will ever be ready to come out. It saddens me to think that way. I'm also ashamed that I have deprived my wife of a "normal" marriage.
It's easier and safer to continue the path I'm on. Let's wait and see if I ever muster the strength to venture on a new course. Please understand that I am trying to be the best man I can be.
There is one attribute I possess, and that is being an underwear connoisseur. I finally found the 2(X)ist no-show rugby brief (from International Jock, no less). So look for this in the coming days...
I'll show you mine, if you show me yours (your underwear, that is)!
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